Life with Two Boys

Here is a photo that captures what it is like to live with two little boys--instead of a doll in a stroller (and they each do have a baby doll complete with pacifer), they load their trucks and cars into the stroller and then run around the house with it and dump the trucks and cars out all over the floor. I have never been one who is much for the stereotypes of boys are this way and girls are that, but I do seem to see some characteristics in my boys that I think are deeply ingrained. Like pushing, hitting and throwing, to name a few. But it is impossible to separate out what is innate and what is trained, since we have treated them as boys from day one with all of the lessons that we learned throughout our lives about what little boys and little girls do.

Both of the boys are very physically aggressive with one another. We are constantly trying to teach AJ that it is not okay to push his brother down or knock him over or throw a toy at him out of frustration. And Davey, either from learning it through AJ or his own internal instincts, now pushes back, hits and is a fairly vicious biter. AJ usually has a bruise or two from where Davey breaks the skin when he bites AJ after being attacked or having his toys stolen. This means that they rarely play together alone, unsupervised at a distance of more than a foot or two, as they require refereeing and interference to prevent bodily harm. Typically it seems most successful to have them do parallel play with different toys about 4-5 feet apart, but as soon as one gets distracted from what he is doing and spies whatever it is that the other is playing with (which is instantly more desirable because his brother has it), well all bets are off. Davey will scoot over to AJ as quick as a mouse and swipe his hands wildly trying to snag a truck or two, and AJ will respond with a vengence, pushing David down to the floor, knocking him over or throwing the trucks across the room to where David can't reach them. Davey bursts into tears out of frustration (although I am starting to sense that he is also picking up on the fact that this helps his case), and AJ starts wailing at what he perceives as the unfairness of being interrupted while he was quietly playing.

The part that fascinates me is that they are both perfectly lovely playmates to any child who is not their brother. AJ willing shares with little kids at the library but will prefer to take a time out instead of giving Davey one of the six cars he is playing with. I have learned that while AJ understands a lot, he is not capable of advanced logic on figuring out things like if he just gives his brother one car, he ends up without any consequences, but refusing to share the one means that AJ goes to timeout and Davey gets free reign of all six for the two and a half minutes that timeout lasts. Figuring out a two year old's mind is both fascinating and incredibly frustrating.